#hashtag

i have a confession...

i'm mildly obsessed with hashtagging. i try not to do it because when i do, it gets a little out of hand. oh and did i mention i mainly do it verbally? yep. completely obnoxious. that's me. thanks to jimmy fallon i even do the hand signal. ok, i mainly do it for the hand signal. how awesome is that?

anyhow, leslie invited me to go see american authors, the script and one republic. the show was epic. #epic. first of all we went down in a limo. we had delicious food. we had great seats. but it determined one thing for serious....... i'm old.

this is the email i sent my friend in follow up:

the concert was good. is it weird to not really like something while it's happening but like it more later? i had a lot of fun. maybe i didn't realize that i was even having fun and therefore that made it less fun? also, i got home at 1:30 and was up at 6:45ish... so if i speak gibberish (or gerbil) please ignore it. i like american authors, they opened. the script swore a lot and talked about being drunk. which was interesting. i really enjoy knowing where songs and things come from so it was nice to hear them explain things about their songs and where they're from. our seats were really close. like in the first 20 rows. and the script guy kept coming down and walking through the aisles. one republic was really good. they put on a really good show but it was really loud and really hot and they didn't go on until like 10 so at that point my old person body has already kicked in and i'm trying to force fun on myself. when they said that they were going to put on a 90 minute show i almost died. i was like whaaa? but sleep? but it was good and i got distracted. but looking back on it, it was really great. and everyone had a really good time. so. A+. i guess i'd do it again. that should be the standard right? i know while i was standing there watching them at points i thought would i do this again? my ears ringing, feeling a little bit like vomiting from the base, wondering are my ears going to bleed? glad i didn't clear that ear wax out. why did i shower before this? that was dumb. i'm so sticky. oh i love this song. dance dance dance. is my dancing weird? are people watching my awkward movements? what am i doing with my arms? oh he's so going to come out here. i'm going to throw leslie on him. yippeee! the good news is that i still want to listen to their music. probably more so now. 

#oldladyproblems #loudmusic #whereismyhearingaid?

lions and tigers and ....

bears!

we sent erik's parents away on a romantic vacation to vermont for their anniversary. stowe, vermont to be specific. they left on saturday morning and didn't return until monday afternoon.

erik and i had a rager. party animals! all the time. just kidding. i think we went out to dinner and were in bed by 9. cause we're rockstars.

at like one o'clock in the morning erik sits straight up in bed and i instantly think oh man, he's sick. this is going to be miserable. how loving do i have to be? can i sleep through his sickness? oh man i hope he doesn't ask me to find something. because that's the kind of loving wife i am at one am. leave me alone. let me sleep.

no. instead he says, i think there's a bear on the porch. sleepy emily sleepy emily -wait, WHAT?

moving to the country is one thing, having a bear wake you up choppin' on your bird feeders brings a whole new meaning to the boonies.

we crept around the house afraid to startle it. we didn't want to scare it away! we wanted pictures. even if it was eating all our bird seed. slowly moving from one room to another trying to get a good look at it. erik somehow fumbled getting his camera. the first shot he took was straight glass. flash in the window. no good. did it scare the bear? no. round two. at some point erik was like hanging out the window trying to avoid the flash. probably not the best idea but whatev. so when we get to the point where we've had enough of trying to take dark pictures of a dark animal, we flipped on the porch lights thinking it'll scare him off.

negative.

erik rushed open the door and yelled, "what you doin' on my porch?" that scared him. that would scare anyone. erik's boonie accent is quite terrifying.

except it wasn't. hobo (as he came to be named- hobothias for his non acquaintances.) came back. with bobo (botharimeul). and they decided to destroy the kindling pile and fight in the yard and leave giant poops and walk through my garden and knock at the door to see if we had anymore bird seed inside. no bears. we don't. go home. you're causing a ruckus.

which they eventually did. after some more erik yelling.

only to come back thursday.

this morning

i always listen to the radio as i come into work now. they usually have some sort of prize related to sharing an experience of some sort which intrigues me. maybe it's because it's morning, maybe it's the laughter, maybe it's just my need to be involved but i always wish that i could call in and participate.

i did once. they asked what words do you sing wrong. i had two: 1. i used to sing, goooooooin' to the checkbooooook and we're goonnnaa gett marrrried. (i was probably 5-6 at the time i was singing this. now, being married, i know i actually got the lyrics right.) 2. my cousin, adam, would sing - FOOOOOORRMED IN THE USA! (which again, probably the right lyrics if you were conceived here.)

today they asked, what is the weirdest reason that you broke up with someone?

my response: i couldn't call him by his real name. i figured if i couldn't call him by his real name then i couldn't date him. we were friends first and i had always called him by a nickname so when the possibility of dating him came up and i had to think about omg. am i going to meet your mom and not be able to call you eric because that's so foreign to me? the kicker is - i married an erik. so..

i think the winner was definitely the guy who broke up with a girl because she couldn't make a left turn. they were always late.

how about you? what's the weirdest reason you broke up with someone?

random things that i've written on my calendar this month

so being surprised by my brother coming home early was both happy and threw an entire wrench in my monthly plans. thinking that he was coming in on the 5th and leaving the 26th meant i had lots of weekends to spend with him. what happened in reality is much different.
things i did do this past month:

• weird old people yoga with charlie
• russian dinner
• bowenwork/walk with mom
• fitbit!!! 
• oil change
• redhook tour with jake and erik
• fancy dinner (which was previously intensely discussed here) 
• amy reminded me: "be gentle with yourself"
• i missed the shoot em up party... 
• mom, dad, and jake went to ny for a few days
• i tried to make peace with april. but also expressed my hopes that he does NOT rush into anything. 
• breakfast with mom and jake. dad came home for lunch. i ended up walking my old road, finding dead baby turtles and cutting up my feet from not wanting to wear shoes for 3 ish miles.. 
• girls night with stacy and kathy. watched one day. i'm not sure if i'm angry about that or not.. 
• i ordered a rain jacket. 
• re-planted one of the gardens
• started scraping the house
• contemplated signing up for the redhook race series... maybe not. 
• erik started cutting down dead parts of the apple tree
• we got new plants: i got purple sage, voodoo, tiny purple flowers and alyssum. erik got magnolia and hydrangeas. i planted my seeds which i'm obsessed with: lavender, cosmos, red velvet and blue bachelor buttons? 
• i called the pd to find out about carrying a taser. apparently as long as you can buy it without a permit, you can carry it however you want. excellent. that being said i almost tazed a dog for being mean. (old and mean. and semi chasing me.) 
• oh i had lunch and a bike ride with shannon. 
• and i started jillian michaels ripped in 30 again. let's see if i make it to week two this time.. 

not an ideal morning

i woke up this morning earlier than usual. i had set my alarm so i would force myself to get out of bed and exercise before work. i don't know if because of this i slept like crap or i would have slept like crap anyhow but just before waking up i was dreaming about doing paperwork at work and getting yelled at for doing it wrong. terrible dreams coupled with unusually hot bed coupled with giant lazy fat motivation means i actually got up and did the workout. i did try to weasel my way out of it half way and i probably didn't put in as much effort as i could but i did it. yay!

so of course this change in schedule and the fact that today is tuesday, not monday, always throws me for a little loop. but no biggie. somehow erik convinced me to make his lunch. i think i drank less coffee than i normally would. but overall, ok start. 

which brings us to 8:05. ready (ish). i was rushing around (per usual): got my breakfast, brushed my teeth, got some more coffee, and ran out the door. (8:12)  two minutes later than ideal time but still with a bit of time (approximately 3 minutes) to spare so i didn't have to worry.  except, my car wouldn't start. because of all the hoopla of the rain or no rain (and i was trying to get old mcdonald's french fry smell out of my car) i had turned my car on to roll up the windows - got distracted, probably by erik and somehow forgot to turn off the car. just the battery part. it would be pretty sad if i had left the whole thing running and didn't notice. so my battery was dead. so weird and awful. and of course i don't have jumper cables. thankfully erik's dad had some contraption to jump start it. but definitely not the ideal way to start the day. 

  needless to say i'm not looking forward to the rest of the day.

conan

he's funny. and new hampshire. but his message... so true.



But the point is this: it is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound reinvention

http://www.vox.com/a/greatest-graduation-speeches?utm_source=nextdraft&utm_medium=email

a weekend to remember

so apparently my brother being home means everything in life gets more eventful. maybe it's just spending more time than usual with my family.

friday i got out of work early. friday was fancy dinner night. the whole time jake is here we have a schedule of what is supposed to happen. for example, wednesday we went to red hook brewery. it was great. (a three person tour.) friday - fancy dinner. saturday- "shoot 'em up" party. sunday - mom, dad, jake leave for new york. wednesday - jake's supposed to have dinner with april. friday - jake leaves.

jake apparently screwed up the plan. his first royal screw up was that thursday was supposed to be dinner with april. i'm not 100% on what happened but i guess in his drunken stupor on wednesday he asked april if she'd like to come to dinner with the fam on friday. without mentioning this to anyone else. so when he ran it by the rest of the fam (i.e. me and mom) we shot it down.  so then he had to explain to april why she couldn't go and from what i gather his explanation had something to do with the fact that mom and i hate her. so when i walked into my parents house on friday and caught him in a fierce texting scenario drinking coors light - my immediate reaction was - we need to get you better beer.

i tried to help. honestly, though i don't care for her, i really don't know her well and was looking forward to attempting to be a better person and hanging out with her on saturday. but i could not tolerate her and my family squished in a car for our hour and a half ride to work. plus i felt like she would be competing for jake's attention and the whole night would be awkward. -- her side of it, from what jake told me, was that he apparently was taking his family's side over hers and it was frustrating to her that he didn't put her ahead of his family. typical girlness. whatever. this isn't even the good part of the night.

so dad was supposed to be home by 4:00; he was home by 5:30 ish. mom was supposed to be home by 5:30 at the latest; she was home a little after 6:00. our journey didn't even start until 7:00. i made it a whole 45 minutes before wanting death to befall myself on the ride. eventually i texted april and said my whole family is nuts. i'm sorry. i hope you can come tomorrow. (she apparently in her anger was not going to come to the shoot out party and wanted us all to have a sit down at a neutral location so we could talk it all out. AND she could only do this while 70% of the family was in new york.)

we got to the restaurant around 8:30. my bed time. by 10, it was clear that not only was i driving we weren't leaving any time soon. so i had coffee. by 12:30 we had more than officially closed down the ENTIRE restaurant. (i'm not even going to get into the absinthe drinking.) so we head on our merry way. me driving my mom's new car which is completely opposite of everything that i'm used to - 2 hours past my normal bedtime. in need of gas.

guess what? at 1:30 in the morning no gas stations are open. that's ok. besides negative nancy (dad) in the backseat, jake completely passed out (did i mention he had texted me at 6:30 in the morning to ask me my feelings about april? yes, he was up at 6:30. why? because he hadn't gone to bed yet.) and mom keeps insisting that her car can make it home on whatever amount of gas we have. so when i went to hit this button that would tell me how much farther we could make it- and the car went into "energy saving mode" and shut down... i pulled into the break down lane. attempted to restart the car. to no avail.

less than 5 minutes later there's a cop behind me. obviously after my explaining to him what happened - he asked if i'd be drinking. (because my cheeks were red. i was like dude. my cheeks are always red.) so it's 1:45 in the morning. i'm out of gas. nearest gas station is 8-10 miles away. my brother is sleep talking. my dad keeps telling me all the things we've done wrong and this is never going to work out. my mom is .. i don't know being my mom. there's a cop asking me if i can call anyone and both mom and i are like - CHAD. i think i attempted to call chad twice, charlie once, but like normal people they were sleeping. oh and i had next to no service. (i'm thinking why can't this cop just go get me a gallon of gas and we'll be on our way? -then again, i'm pretty sure he was probably the only cop on. you'll see why in a minute.) the cop calls chad. i have to explain to him that he's calling  a cellphone and therefore chad cannot hear him saying "chad. this is officer so and so. pick up the phone." about 10 or so minutes later chad calls me back. the moment he does- my phone starts beeping that my battery is dying. thankfully the cop is on the other line, tells chad where we are and chad saves me from my murderous rampage. actually. i wasn't really on murder yet although if i was - my dad would have been the first to go. i was contemplating how far i could run before my legs would give out. how long would it take me to walk to alton? probably forever. did i mention i was wearing 4" heels?

so that's the story of how chad saved my life.

did i mention the fact that the cop had to leave us because there was a horse in the highway that he had to go take care of? this is one of those "you know you live in new hampshire when" moments.

oh and how i waited all day the next day (80% sleeping) for erik to finish working on his jeep so we could go to the shoot out. only for him to have his worst day ever: jeep in pieces, parts don't fit, stung by a wasp, 2 hour job going on forever... so when he said he wasn't going. i broke down. i couldn't drive all the way there again by myself. i was an emotional wreck anyhow. he thought i should just stay home. which i did. after calling my brother and then my mom to explain that i couldn't make it. my mom texted me. april is here. crap. i forgot about her. hope she doesn't think i'm not there because i hate her. "please come." my loving husband at this point takes my phone away and calls my mom - tells her we won't be there. sometimes it takes me a really long time to see why he does the things he does. especially because i'm always the person who will do everything because that's what people ask me to do. and that's how marrying my husband was the best decision of my life. and how he saves me from myself all the time.