how to be polite

snippets that i enjoyed from this article: 

• When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a living. And when that painful lull arrives, be the master of it. I have come to revel in that agonizing first pause, because I know that I can push a conversation through. Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.”
• I see people as having around them a two or three foot invisible buffer. If there is a stray hair on their jacket I ask them if I can pluck it from them. If they don’t want that, they’ll do it themselves. If their name is now Susan, it’s Susan. Whatever happens inside that buffer is entirely up to them. It has nothing to do with me.
• People silently struggle from all kinds of terrible things. They suffer from depression, ambition, substance abuse, and pretension. They suffer from family tragedy, Ivy-League educations, and self-loathing. They suffer from failing marriages, physical pain, and publishing. The good thing about politeness is that you can treat these people exactly the same. And then wait to see what happens. You don’t have to have an opinion. You don’t need to make a judgment. I know that doesn't sound like liberation, because we live and work in an opinion-based economy. But it is. Not having an opinion means not having an obligation. And not being obligated is one of the sweetest of life’s riches.
• This is not a world where you can simply express love for other people, where you can praise them. 

it's rather sad that this isn't all common knowledge. then again, the whole thing is rather sad. 

https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c

i liked everything

Warhol: Someone said that Brecht wanted everybody to think alike. I want everybody to think alike. But Brecht wanted to do it through Communism, in a way. Russia is doing it under government. It’s happening here all by itself without being under a strict government; so if it’s working without trying, why can’t it work without being Communist? Everybody looks alike and acts alike, and we’re getting more and more that way.
I think everybody should be a machine. I think everybody should like everybody.
Art News: Is that what Pop Art is all about?
Warhol: Yes. It’s liking things.
Art News: And liking things is like being a machine?
Warhol: Yes, because you do the same thing every time. You do it over and over again.

it seems true though. pop culture does turn everyone into a machine. a mindless machine who just likes what others like and never really thinks for themselves. it's strange really. do i like bananas? i wonder what it would be like to live in a world without advertising and subliminal messages. omg. has anyone else ever seen (i can't believe i'm going to say this) josie and the pussycats? the movie from 2001? (i had to look that up...) now i'm mildly (read totally) afraid that the things i like, i don't actually like. i've just been brainwashed into liking them. totally terrible. but possibly true.

http://www.wired.com/2014/08/i-liked-everything-i-saw-on-facebook-for-two-days-heres-what-it-did-to-me/?utm_source=nextdraft&utm_medium=email

just another day at the office

i can't tell if i'm super irritable/anxious due to pressing deadlines, my period (which i'm not even 100% sure is due yet... i should really start keeping track of that...), or jenna. impending doom.

this week has been rough. i see a revised draft of a letter and i start to freak out that this is the third or fourth time i've had to revise it. programs aren't working right for me. i got up this morning, happy but wishing i could stay in bed. blew a circuit because we had two coffee makers running. got dressed, looking pretty cute. then for the second time since wearing this top, i spilled my entire cup of coffee all over the place. seriously, i'm walking out to the car - i have my ipod (which needs to be charged), my purse, my toast/breakfast and my giant travel mug of coffee in my hands. i open the door, put my coffee mug on the roof of my car and it spills all over the roof, dripping down into my open car door, my ipod falls on the ground, my toast is wet. coffee on my shirt/skirt/cardigan/shoes. so i did what any rational person would do. i cried. no i didn't. i wanted to freak out and quit my job and never leave my room again. but that's not going to solve anything. so i picked up my ipod, put my toast in my car, shut the car door. i went inside, assessed the damages. not too bad. i can handle a day with limited coffee on me. poured myself a new cup of coffee and headed back out. today can suck it. i'm winning.

this of course is followed by my coming into the office to have a mini-anxiety/meltdown. normally i love having a lot to work on. i love having work waiting for me on my desk because that means i don't have to pretend to be busy or do any of those other things i really should be doing but am not. like filing. or billing. blah. but seeing this letter revised again and corrections that i should have caught staring me down. my anxiety starts bouncing off the roof. and the impending doom of knowing that at any moment jenna could walk in the door and scream my name in that high pitch happy voice that sends my nerves to freakouttown.

so i'm sitting. it's not even 9 am and i've already gotten two documents accomplished. no one else has arrived yet. thankfully. i wish they would all take the day off and leave me to my peace. instead of my countdown til school starts, this year it's my countdown until their fall vacation (25 days of bliss). and then hopefully til second semester when they realize that homeschooling is a bad/impossible idea. and i can leave my car with the peace of knowing that i can walk through the office and no one will ask me "hello emily. how ya doin' emily? can i help you with your work? can i do your hair? can you play with me?" with these words, my uterus shrivels up into a dust heap. perhaps my body blames jenna for my complete and utter non-desire for children and that's why the thought of coming to work sends me into a full on period symptom mess.

* did i mention i'm pretty sure someone used/opened my umbrella that i leave here which i'm not even sure where it was at my desk and has left it on the front floor? why, people? can't a girl get any privacy/alone time?

oh. is that the real route of my issues?

the end of another month

remember when you were young and time seemed to go on forever? can i have that back please? i obviously didn't appreciate it enough. and now time just keeps ... tickin'. miserable.
but that's just me.
things that happened this month:

• i hung out with mom to clean up the yard. which meant i got to hang out with brayden and emily jae. brayden and mom actually went swimming. emily and i just splashed the water. it was hot. but not that hot.
• the next day i went out to lunch with lori, john, ed and maggie. and then ed and maggie, mom and dad, dave and gail came over and hung out for a while. 
• oh i tried fish tacos. not bad. sword fish. definitely old. 
• my baby cousin, ryan, and friend, brandy, graduated high school. yep. old. 
• scary guy. 
• bears. 
• erik fixed his dad's truck, the lawn mower and two bikes and we went for a bike ride together. after washing the truck, my car (i washed it. and waxed it! it looks terrible now.), and the bikes. cause they were covered with poo. old chicken poo. 
• kathy and dick celebrated 46 years of marriage. in style. with fireworks. and 4 wheeler rides. 
• erik painted the trim. i scraped side one of the house and then painted all but 6 boards. it's still not done. need round two of paint. 
• concert. 
• jenna and i went to get the mail and she got to learn how to drive those little sail boats. it was pretty cool. i'm hoping this is the start of a good summer for us. it kinda has to be if she's going to be homeschooled next year. 
• other things happened i'm sure. i can't think of them though. 

plans for next month (aka this month):

• painting party
• finish painting the house
• bike rides
• hiking
• fitness cruise
• mom's bowenwork test
• ashley's bridal shower
• busy busy bee.

#hashtag

i have a confession...

i'm mildly obsessed with hashtagging. i try not to do it because when i do, it gets a little out of hand. oh and did i mention i mainly do it verbally? yep. completely obnoxious. that's me. thanks to jimmy fallon i even do the hand signal. ok, i mainly do it for the hand signal. how awesome is that?

anyhow, leslie invited me to go see american authors, the script and one republic. the show was epic. #epic. first of all we went down in a limo. we had delicious food. we had great seats. but it determined one thing for serious....... i'm old.

this is the email i sent my friend in follow up:

the concert was good. is it weird to not really like something while it's happening but like it more later? i had a lot of fun. maybe i didn't realize that i was even having fun and therefore that made it less fun? also, i got home at 1:30 and was up at 6:45ish... so if i speak gibberish (or gerbil) please ignore it. i like american authors, they opened. the script swore a lot and talked about being drunk. which was interesting. i really enjoy knowing where songs and things come from so it was nice to hear them explain things about their songs and where they're from. our seats were really close. like in the first 20 rows. and the script guy kept coming down and walking through the aisles. one republic was really good. they put on a really good show but it was really loud and really hot and they didn't go on until like 10 so at that point my old person body has already kicked in and i'm trying to force fun on myself. when they said that they were going to put on a 90 minute show i almost died. i was like whaaa? but sleep? but it was good and i got distracted. but looking back on it, it was really great. and everyone had a really good time. so. A+. i guess i'd do it again. that should be the standard right? i know while i was standing there watching them at points i thought would i do this again? my ears ringing, feeling a little bit like vomiting from the base, wondering are my ears going to bleed? glad i didn't clear that ear wax out. why did i shower before this? that was dumb. i'm so sticky. oh i love this song. dance dance dance. is my dancing weird? are people watching my awkward movements? what am i doing with my arms? oh he's so going to come out here. i'm going to throw leslie on him. yippeee! the good news is that i still want to listen to their music. probably more so now. 

#oldladyproblems #loudmusic #whereismyhearingaid?

lions and tigers and ....

bears!

we sent erik's parents away on a romantic vacation to vermont for their anniversary. stowe, vermont to be specific. they left on saturday morning and didn't return until monday afternoon.

erik and i had a rager. party animals! all the time. just kidding. i think we went out to dinner and were in bed by 9. cause we're rockstars.

at like one o'clock in the morning erik sits straight up in bed and i instantly think oh man, he's sick. this is going to be miserable. how loving do i have to be? can i sleep through his sickness? oh man i hope he doesn't ask me to find something. because that's the kind of loving wife i am at one am. leave me alone. let me sleep.

no. instead he says, i think there's a bear on the porch. sleepy emily sleepy emily -wait, WHAT?

moving to the country is one thing, having a bear wake you up choppin' on your bird feeders brings a whole new meaning to the boonies.

we crept around the house afraid to startle it. we didn't want to scare it away! we wanted pictures. even if it was eating all our bird seed. slowly moving from one room to another trying to get a good look at it. erik somehow fumbled getting his camera. the first shot he took was straight glass. flash in the window. no good. did it scare the bear? no. round two. at some point erik was like hanging out the window trying to avoid the flash. probably not the best idea but whatev. so when we get to the point where we've had enough of trying to take dark pictures of a dark animal, we flipped on the porch lights thinking it'll scare him off.

negative.

erik rushed open the door and yelled, "what you doin' on my porch?" that scared him. that would scare anyone. erik's boonie accent is quite terrifying.

except it wasn't. hobo (as he came to be named- hobothias for his non acquaintances.) came back. with bobo (botharimeul). and they decided to destroy the kindling pile and fight in the yard and leave giant poops and walk through my garden and knock at the door to see if we had anymore bird seed inside. no bears. we don't. go home. you're causing a ruckus.

which they eventually did. after some more erik yelling.

only to come back thursday.

this morning

i always listen to the radio as i come into work now. they usually have some sort of prize related to sharing an experience of some sort which intrigues me. maybe it's because it's morning, maybe it's the laughter, maybe it's just my need to be involved but i always wish that i could call in and participate.

i did once. they asked what words do you sing wrong. i had two: 1. i used to sing, goooooooin' to the checkbooooook and we're goonnnaa gett marrrried. (i was probably 5-6 at the time i was singing this. now, being married, i know i actually got the lyrics right.) 2. my cousin, adam, would sing - FOOOOOORRMED IN THE USA! (which again, probably the right lyrics if you were conceived here.)

today they asked, what is the weirdest reason that you broke up with someone?

my response: i couldn't call him by his real name. i figured if i couldn't call him by his real name then i couldn't date him. we were friends first and i had always called him by a nickname so when the possibility of dating him came up and i had to think about omg. am i going to meet your mom and not be able to call you eric because that's so foreign to me? the kicker is - i married an erik. so..

i think the winner was definitely the guy who broke up with a girl because she couldn't make a left turn. they were always late.

how about you? what's the weirdest reason you broke up with someone?