6 am rant

so i don't know if it's because erik is sleeping diagonally across the entire bed or if the fact that i've slept at least 10 hours since rearriving in texas has anything to do with it but i woke up this morning at 5 am and i realized one thing...

we have to move back to new hampshire.

it makes so much more sense. i mean, we both had jobs we didn't mind there. our families are there. we have friends there that we've both discussed missing a bunch. we have (at least i have) a slew of furniture so we wouldn't have to worry about getting all new stuff right away. plus, that way we could plan our wedding and not have to worry about whether or not we'll have to buy plane tickets and how much that's going to go up and where we're going to stay. i'm sure we even have enough places to stay that we wouldn't even have to worry about getting a place right away... which is good because i spend most nights worrying about our finances and how we're going to be able to do everything we want to.



i moved here because i wanted a change. i was bored at the direction my life was going and i didn't think nh had anything to offer me. i thought by moving here it would be a jumping point to go where ever i want. i have no idea where i want to go.

erik and i were discussing this evening about my quarter life crisis. i feel like there are so many things i want to accomplish and no idea where to start. laying in bed this morning, all i could think about was how much happier i would be if i didn't have to worry about all this. if my degree didn't mean nothing. i was working a job i didn't mind and it had some potential... maybe, eventually but the fact of the matter is that i liked it. i liked working at the nhaa. it made me feel like i was doing something and i was helping an organization where my ideas mattered and what i did mattered. now i don't think i could go back to portsmouth, but why not conquer one state or one city at a time? why do i think i have to move and get out and do all this now?



i'm already drafting emails in my head to my old boss to see if there's a chance i could get my job back. i mean, yes i have to run this all by erik... and i probably won't post this until i do. but there's still so much i could accomplish and so much we could do by going back. and there's always the opportunity that one day, our jobs or passions will lead us some where else. when we were discussing moving, erik said that we should find some place to go and stick to it. we should figure out where we want to live and stay there. i have always thought it was your career that was supposed to lead you to different places. why not like what you do rather than just trudge through each day? it just seems like right now... it makes more sense to be back in nh.



it's like we've already been on our honeymoon here... a stressful honeymoon but it's just the two of us. we need to get back to real life. and at least by the time we get there, it'll almost be summer again...