where to go? what to do?

we have approx. 87 days left here in lubbock. at least until the end of our lease.
i think by this point we've made it very clear that lubbock is not the place for us.
people here in texas are quite strange and not normal. or at least what i believe to be normal. there's something off about them. all they know how to do is drink and social interactions aside from that are hazy. i don't get their humor if they have any and i'm starting to understand why candace is a hermit. going out any where in this area is more of a hassle than a good time.
but where to go?
things i know for sure are that i want to be closer to people i understand, perhaps even people i know. i want to be close to the beach and have an affordable gym nearby (as fat as the people are here to join a gym it's like 80 a month with a 200 signing fee...). i want to be able to enjoy the weather, most of the year anyhow... i guess i could even say some snow isn't bad as long as it's not the majority of the year.
i know i'm going to need a good job.
i feel like i'm at a weird point in my life right now where i want things to start wrapping up. i want to be in a job where i like going to work every day and around people i enjoy being with... i haven't found that here.
i know that being with erik, i feel like everything is new and special and different. finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, i feel like i have different priorities now. i'll always want to do whatever makes myself happy but it's not all about me. i think maybe that's why making a decision on where we're going to go next is so hard.
i like the east coast and there are things that i miss about nh. mainly the people i know and love, but there are so many things that i don't miss enough to go back just yet... all though maybe i haven't given them the right chance? i mean, being with erik, everything's different so maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in the same state i grew up in? closer to my family and the people i've grown to love like family?
but what would i do there? work at a bank again? no thank you. i could go back to school i guess and maybe some place like manchester or concord would have more to offer than i've given it credit for in the past. i haven't really explored that world before... although it's still pretty far from the beach.
there would be pluses about moving some place warm on the east coast too. i mean, tickets aren't that expensive to fly from north carolina or south carolina back home. and it would give us the opportunity to make friends (hopefully) with people who just knew us together rather than separate. also, i feel like it's a new market for jobs and houses and people could visit us to get away... although the likelihood that people would visit is few and far in between-- i realize this from living here... it's kinda of nice being able to define us away from nh even if it's always in our minds.
but would we like it some where else? is it worth the risk of trying some place else and possibly hating it as much as we do here?
ugh, so many questions... i guess only time can answer. i'm terrified it's going to come down to the last moment and we're gonna be like so where are we going? and not have an answer.

snow... yay!

there's snow in texas.

i thought i moved here to get away from snow and shoveling and cold weather.

i think it's stalking me.

things that i'm grateful for...

i'm thankful for a day off
i'm thankful for erik, for everything that he does and him helping me keep my sanity
i'm thankful for only having to be here for a few more months here
i'm thankful for battleship and wine
i'm so thankful for movies because otherwise there wouldn't be much to do
i'm thankful for warm weather
i'm thankful for my family and friends
i'm thankful my phone is working so i can keep in touch with all of them
i'm thankful for having a job that pays
i'm thankful for mail--- it's something different to look forward too
i'm thankful for caffeine.................................. and sleeping....................

..................................................i guess i'll have to add to this list .............

grumpy

so we're discussing moving to south carolina. i have a friend there--- this sounds like a bad start... but--- i have a friend there that owns a gym... and some family near by that i haven't talked to in ages....
damn, that sounds like the same way i got here.
maybe we need to think this through a little more.
i was trying to figure out what it is exactly about this place that i hate so much.
i don't know if it's the place so much as the fact that we just aren't happy. we don't have a whole lot going on, we don't have many friends and we end up doing the same thing every day.
i wake up when erik goes downstairs to make breakfast, coffee, morning, get ready for work, work 9 long hours at a job that every day makes me hate it a little more.... (yesterday i forgot to log out of my phone while i was on lunch which means that calls came through and i wasn't there to handle them -- therefore not showing our customers how much we care) ...then i come home, make/eat dinner, maybe drink a little wine, take care of my farm, possibly read and go to sleep to start the same day over..
unless of course i have time off, like today.
then i get to farm more, read more and perhaps watch movies and plan things that i may or may not ever get to do.
i guess i'm just grumpy and homesick.
it's almost thanksgiving and i have no family around and no way of cooking a turkey.
man, this is not a good mood to be in. i need to find something that's going to give me a little bit more positive attitude or i won't make it through the next 4 months.

saturdays are a nightmare

In customer care at least.

Its like all week long, people build and build and build up all this emotion that they just can't hold onto anymore come Saturday morning. It probably doesn't help much that I don't want to be here and listening to people gripe about their phones at 9 am is the last thing I want to do...ever.
Even after my mental health day yesterdày, it only took me two hours to revert back to my loathsome self.
I need to move. I need to move to some place beautiful and warm and happy and get a job that reflects the things I love. As much as I enjoy cell phones and knowing about them and being able to help people out... This job is nothing more than a paycheck and when it's over, it's over and I don't care about it one bit.
I have no idea how people can make it through years of this. More power to them. I won't be able to make it.

the update

things that i've done since my last blog:

• well... i read new moon in preparation for the movie out soon. :) so excited.
• i went to a halloween party at kaylee's. i went as a texan. big hair and a texas tech shirt. erik went as someone from nh, or was it an att employee?
• we are currently watching the coolest dog in texas, torque.
• i guess we must have gotten a ps3 because there's no prior mention to that. well, actually erik traded in his xbox so we could get it. and we got the dvd to play netflix on the tv, though it takes longer than the computer...
• i decided we have to move out of texas. i'm homesick and this place is just not that cool.
• i also decided i hate my job. listening to people gripe for 9 hours to come home and have no life outside of my job... it's just not worth it. i don't know if i'll make it through this year...
• we got little big planet, as previously mentioned my new obsession. it's like a combination of sims, poppit and super mario but you're this cute little sack person flying through a world of imagination. wonderful.
• we also have two weeks for both of us to read eclipse, which has been a battle between the two of us over who gets to read it first.. erik's winning.
• i'm in search of a couch. i'd like to get one soonish so people can come visit us. maybe we'll have a little more fun if people can entertain us. that means you. come visit. now.
• i've decided i'm turning all att. for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing what people at a call center look like, it means morbidly obese. ok so i'm not that bad, but erik feeds me and i don't have time to run anymore so you do the math.
• i think that's about it. erik is desperately waiting for the moment the new call of duty comes out so we're both going to our first midnight release tomorrow night. :)
• o and i just finished the week from hell: 5 days straight of work. i think i got stress sick this weekend because i'm not used to having 2 days off in a row anymore and the time to let go of everything is freaking out my system like it doesn't know when this will happen again so it's trying to shut me down in this moment... i don't know when this will happen again. at least the holidays are coming soon. people don't complain as much then... or so i heard...

i guess that's it. you may now consider yourself updated. how's it feel?

it's been a while.

erik reminded me i haven't blogged in a while...

i had blogs in mind to write but truth be told this job is sucking away my soul.
i don't have time to do much of anything and when i finally get home from this job where i basically get yelled at for 9 hours straight, blogging is the last thing on my mind.

but there is much to report...
unfortunately, i need to get into my current obsession of little big planet. i will return shortly.
<3