me.. now...

since my last entry my whole life has changed. who am i kidding? since three weeks ago my whole life has changed. and it's taking me a moment to catch up.

me now, married, working, living in wolfeboro, new bed, about to have a new hair color...

i have a husband. i love him dearly. but is it possible to love someone so much and fear that you don't know them well enough? i mean, erik gets me. i like to feel that i get him but sometimes i get so insecure about our relationship. he seems distant and i have a panic attack. that's normal right?

change is good but it's freaking hard. and challenging. and tiring. i've been sick for almost a week. i can't stop coughing. i don't know what to do. i have this knot in my stomach since i found out that erik and his ex-girlfriend are now friends on facebook. which is ridiculous because he not only married me but it's freaking facebook. not real life. i guess that worries me because they were together for a long time and i'm afraid she knows him better than i do, or gets him in a way that i can't because i wasn't there for everything she was. she's always freaked me out in this relationship. because she was there first and longer. but i'm going to be here forever so i guess i need to just take a step back and calm down.

other news.. i'm working at a law office. i've been here for about 3 months now and have no idea what i'm doing. and they left. my boss and his wife, the paralegal, they left and i'm stuck here at the mercy of the phone attempting to answer questions for myself and others. i have no idea what i'm doing but at least it's just me.

yesterday i spent the whole day filing. today, i haven't done much of anything.


it's probably going to stay that way too. i'm supposed to be meeting my mother for lunch and i really don't want to deal with her. she's emotional because i left and jake's leaving and everything's changing. well, i'm dealing with enough of my own stress, mom. i can't take yours too.

but i'm baaaaaaaackkk...