when i met erik... or should i say remet erik... i had absolutely no intention of falling in love with anyone. i was on mission me, i think. solely focused on my own desires and doing what ever i wanted. i had two little weeks left until i was to leave for lubbock which was supposed to be my bouncing ground. i was going to hang out here for a bit. help out a friend. and then from there, travel else where. austin maybe. arizona. where ever the world took me. (thank god for erik for so many reasons.. i might have unknowingly gotten stuck here. that would suck)
the funny thing is i didn't go about this relationship the way i would normally. i was so focused on me, being me, that i didn't for one moment put up a facade.
previously, i would have played it cool, calm, collected. sure i like you but i'm too cool to admit it. you come to me. (underneath this is, omg does he like me? what if he's seeing someone else? how could he possibly? ahhhh! nutzo.) this comes in tact with the perfect hair, make up, and baby soft body at any possible touch.
i think the first time erik touched my legs i hadn't shaved in days. i stopped wearing make up. i don't remember why. lazy probably. half the time i was in jeans and tee shirts cause that's all i could find.
i wasn't looking for anything so it completely took me by surprise when i realized he could love me and even more surprising was when i found out i really loved him too.
obviously it didn't take long. it's funny how that happens. when you aren't pretending, when you aren't putting up this fake person that people want you to be, when you're just being yourself and someone actually falls for you.
erik and i had one night at a bar, one day at the beach and one kiss under the trees. that was it for him. it took me five more days to realize he was serious. it took me five more days to realize i was serious.
we spent every day together. just talking. sharing our thoughts and feelings. thoughts for the future. no judgement. nothing holding us back. (and yes, eventually i shaved my legs for him..)
i honestly had no idea where this was going. he's an amazing person, but i had no idea what to expect once i left the state. and i had to leave the state. for some unknown, undying reason-- i just couldn't stay. and perhaps, i wanted to add it on as a test to us as well as myself that we could do it and i could do it and it was real.
i'm not sure when we officially decided that we were going to get married. four weeks later, he flew down proposed and then we spent six long weeks being engaged and very far apart.
i, some how, convinced him to move here. even though i told him it was ugly and the grass was weird and there's no ocean. i guess it was my last test. no guy had ever gone that far for me before. no one would ever give up their life for me.
it's been eight months.
eight months since the day i told him i wanted him to be my boyfriend. i wanted us to be together. and i wanted to know that it was going some where. that we were serious. some how i still didn't expect to end up here.
i feel like there are days where i completely forget myself and only think about how lucky i am to have this man who would move to lubbock for me. i get nervous and irrational thinking about how i somehow fooled him, but the funny thing is that he fell in love with me. the real me. with no make up, hairy legs and no censoring.
that's pretty cool.
and now we're days away from starting our life. our jumping points. our adventure. i can't wait.
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