needing to let go, any suggestions?

i've been a stress case for the last day or so. scratch that. i've been a stress case for the last 6 months.
ever since erik and i have been in texas we've been waiting for our next move.
i, miss independent, am not used to sharing. i'm not used to having another person depend on me for anything and i'm used to pretty much doing everything my own way and not thinking about anyone else.
since i brought erik here and it's my fault we're stuck here, i've felt extremely guilty. i feel guilty every time i go out without him because i know he's stuck here, bored. i feel guilty any time i spend money that's not "us" or future related because all i can think about is how we should be saving for the wedding or saving to leave or spending it on food.
i had a straight up panic attack the other day because we bought funny hats and glasses that we didn't necessarily need although the hats have come in handy because we spent $50 and that could have been money we were saving.
the whole time we've been here i've been a bundle of nerves. i can't relax. i can't think straight most of the time. erik puts a lot of things in perspective for me. this is an experience. we need experiences. we need to let go of things. i can't be so worried all the time because then i'll never have fun. it's just money.
i'm hoping that once we leave here, i leave this side of me behind. i freak out all the time about things i have absolutely no control over. i worry about the future and what MIGHT happen. i'm not allowing myself to have fun.

this so much so that i think it's become the cause of my recent health issues.
it started off that i needed to get a pap smear so i could get my birth control. in that, i found out that i had not only bacterial vaginois but also i needed to be treated for a yeast infection. fine, whatever. that's done. actual pap comes back, ABNORMAL.
FREAK.
i don't have time/insurance to cover a dr appt here. i'm leaving the end of this week. what if it's cancer? can i wait a month?
relax. i feel like everything happens for a reason. if it is cancer, i'm going to kick it's ass. if it's not and it's something else, watch out because i'm still an ass kicker.
i've been in a rut here. for a while. i feel like even if this is nothing (which i won't know because i can't get a dr appt until april 9th) it's a wake up call.
i need to live my life. i can't stress about everything. i can't control everything. i need to have fun. i need laughter and silliness and to spend money sometimes even if it probably isn't the best of ideas.
(i've been kind of resentful of erik because i feel like he doesn't have the pressure that i have one me about money. he's more relaxed. he buys things he wants and does what he wants and i'm stuck freaking out about every cent we have. he has video games and ps3s and i bought a t shirt once. it's my own fault. he's told me from the beginning that if i wanted to buy something i could. it's more my money than his. but i always feel so gd guilty.--- again i had a panic attack because we bought HATS)
i need to relax.
i need to work some place that's fun and not necessarily for the money. i need to do things i want to do. i need to have more fun with life rather than stressing about each detail and what COULD happen. i feel like i'm giving myself health issues. (i didn't even mention the stress mark i have on my finger.. the last time i got it was 2007 when both my grandmothers died, my apt flooded, my cat died, my dad had a triple bypass and my friend almost died giving birth--- i'm having the same reactions as i did then. i think i'm probably worse off now. what is wrong with me???)
so this is me letting go. if anyone catches me stress casing again, stop me. i don't know how. i don't know what you'll have to do but seriously, this is my only life and i'm ruining it worrying about things that don't matter that much in the long run. and i could be making that run a little bit shorter because of it.