mystery tapes are fun... as long as they aren't in french

i'm nervous. i just told erik...
his response: why are you nervous honey?
(put this sentence in fast forward)becauseihavenoideawhattoexpectandthisisexactlywhatitryandavoidbyplanningeverythingmyself
the only thing i know about tonight is that it's from 8-10 and i have to wear a white bra and tank top.... oh god this is gonna be good.. she said as she ran out the door...


well truth be told, it was good. it was more than good. it was fantastic. all the nightmares i've ever had about a rerun of my cousin's bachelorette party (aka sitting next to my godmother getting at lap dance while thinking there's no way in hell this bar has enough alcohol to remove this image from my head) vanished.
the tank top/bra was actually a warning for a thin tee shirt i would be wearing for the rest of the night (thank you kaylee.)
although, these comments were previously noted.. i was not aware of the little mermaid penis crown on my head until we were driving down the road after previously going into TWO family places in search of a scavenger hunt of 3 bobbie pins, 5 tooth picks, ketchup packets, a book of matches, men's underwear, a pacifier, purple ribbon, a super tampon, and RIBBED condoms. i sat in erin's car -- shocked that i had not only entered and spoken with numerous people but also I HAD PENISES ON MY HEAD. so in true emily form, i made up a song about it to calm my nerves.
i had to leave joann fabric because the girl couldn't get it through her head that not only was this a scavenger hunt and i'm on a time crunch and YES I NEED PURPLE, DO YOU NEED ME TO REPEAT THAT PURPLE RIBBON. NO I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO GET A DIFFERENT ONE AND NO I AM NOT PAYING FOR A SAMPLE, JUST FREAKING GIVE IT TO ME AND STAT WOMAN WHAT THE ...
i didn't realize she's was probably just shocked by seeing so many tiny penises in one place.
so as we walked into our third family facility (with penis crowd firmly secured on my head), kenda and i thought it best to split up as we had 2 of the items. my job, bathrooms to find tampons or condoms. her job, everything else while continuing the search for the same items.
as i'm walking through the restaurant/fun center/place i once frequented so please don't let me run into anyone i know scowering at babies hoping for a dropped pacifier or one i could causally steal, i lost kenda. that's right, i'm all alone asking random guys for ribbed condoms with penises on my head.
after my round about of desperately looking for my sole companion in this debacle, i exited the building only to enter the next entrance (very sneakily) to hear kenda yelling at this group of three guys SAFE SEX, come on! apparently this is not the place to get ribbed condoms.
it is, however, the place to get a giant balloon pacifier made. i'm no good with balloons. i break them but this one was special so i kept it safe as we sped through the town, not a moment too late entering the lingerie shop where the party was held with just enough creativity to win our very own humdingers.
after round one, it was time for a quick round of catch the sticky penis before heading out for the alcohol. (i made the mistake of asking why on earth a penis that large would be that sticky...just as kenda stuck it to the counter...................it all makes sense now... sorta... )
we said fair well to the non all nighters and headed out where i not only got my fill of lemons and apples, but i got my pussy wet, had sex on the beach and finished the evening up nicely with beef brisket. which is how i'm assuming all evenings like this should come to a close.
*** best present of the night****
kenda gifted me her box (and by box i mean, tape holder of awesomeness with wood paneling) of tapes from a variety of times and mixes for the ride back. seriously, coolest gift ever. i will be traveling cross country in style with the musings of madonna, paula abdul and alladin. toss in a few mystery tapes and we're set to hit the road...