my brain needs an automatic starter

so i recently watched julie & julia. during which the main character states "i could write a blog. i have thoughts!"
that's not why i write a blog. i write because i have no thoughts. i forget things. quickly. every day leaving work and i thank god i have an automatic car starter because otherwise i would have NO IDEA WHERE I PARKED MY CAR. it's true. it's sad, but true.
one day, i lost my keys for 15 minutes thus making me late for my very important job of answering your phone questions. i found them in my purse.
i forget my phone. even if i leave it in front of my face. i could have it in my hand and ask where it was. can you imagine if i had glasses?

part two of my relationship to julie:
i have no power.
at my job, you call me. i'm not allowed to hang up. you can say whatever you want to me, you can scream, insult my mother, you can make suggestive comments (which has happened thank you very much mr. ka$hmoney-- no i will not be emailing you), basically you can do whatever you want and in the end, i'm still responsible for asking you if you are satisfied and your issue resolved?
i sit at my cubicle and scream over my opponents an coworkers--trying to get the best scores and the best feedback. the truth of the matter is, i probably can't help you. you don't know how to work an iphone? why the hell did you get it? you went over your minutes by talking to your new bf in greece? not my problem and i am DEFINITELY not happy that you called in today to complain about your service. again, it's part of my job description to lie to you. this empathy, fake.

so please remember when you call, just tell me what you need and i'll pretend to make it happen. if i tell you i'm happy, that's because my brain was shut off and i can't find my keys.