i have dementia

so this morning, i'm going through my emails. per ush. and i get this email about "emotional health". and one of the articles is 11 early signs of dementia. guys, i have dementia. specifically because of this:

Staring

“Reduced gaze” is the clinical term for the dementia symptom that alters people’s ability to move their eyes normally. “We all move our eyes and track with them frequently,” says Rankin. But people showing early signs of dementia look like they’re staring a lot. Rankin adds that, “they try to read and they skip lines.” This is one of the signs of dementia that the patient might not completely be aware of, although people around them probably will be.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/alzheimers-pictures/11-early-signs-of-dementia.aspx?pos=1&xid=nl_EverydayHealthEmotionalHealth_20140125#/slide-1

i do this all the time. i thought maybe i just have a learning disability i've dealt with. i also jumble my words and i hate reading out loud because i'll often read wrong or get overly excited and add in my own words. 

(i'm wondering if this could also be a sign of boredom though?) 

i mean, we've all obviously known there is something wrong with me. now we know. i'm a 28 year old (who really had to think about her age) with dementia. i need to retire and get in an old folks home quick. 

(just for the record, i do not steal things or eat random objects. sometimes i can miss sarcasm, but not often. i also often forget my words or make up words but i don't think that counts.  i don't so much fall as i do run into things [mainly walls]. i'm super empathetic so that will be a clear sign if that ever goes. i'm rarely embarrassed. [good or bad?] i'm not really compulsive or technically bad with money. i just don't have any to work with. i obviously should do a yearly update just to make sure i'm not completely losing it though.)

an ode to my favorite mug

this mug had a life before me.
i can only imagine what kind of life it must have had.
i found it at the hospital fair.
it was $.50 and perfect.
i'm not going to say i love san francisco.
i've never really been.
but i loved the bridge and the shape and the graphics from possibly the 70's or 80's.
or 60's. i don't know.
it just looked like someone thought, i'm going to get this in memory of my trip.
or because i love my city so much.
or maybe they just liked it like i did so they got it.
it was the perfect shape.
round but strong, firm, steady.
just the right size.
for just the right amount of coffee.
i can't tell you how many times i've reached for that mug since this summer.
it just made me happy.
until yesterday.
when it fell out of my hand as i was climbing out of the car.
after a terrible day of crazy busyness.
after everything else just seemed out of place.
it fell.
and broke.
and before i had even realized how much i loved it,
before i reached, on my hands and knees, under my car to pick up the remaining pieces,
i tossed that first piece into the dumpster.
because i thought - live simply, don't be attached to things.
then as i'm crunched down, reaching for that remaining chunk of my favorite mug -
i thought, but i could have saved you!
so i ran to the dumpster to see if i could retrieve the piece i had already thrown out,
but it was gone.
i couldn't see it in the dark.
it was too cold to try to search anymore.
so in the other piece went.
i have other mugs.
but none that i'll miss as much as that one.
it was special.

i don't even have a good picture of it.

none of these come close.