random things that i've written on my calendar this month

so being surprised by my brother coming home early was both happy and threw an entire wrench in my monthly plans. thinking that he was coming in on the 5th and leaving the 26th meant i had lots of weekends to spend with him. what happened in reality is much different.
things i did do this past month:

• weird old people yoga with charlie
• russian dinner
• bowenwork/walk with mom
• fitbit!!! 
• oil change
• redhook tour with jake and erik
• fancy dinner (which was previously intensely discussed here) 
• amy reminded me: "be gentle with yourself"
• i missed the shoot em up party... 
• mom, dad, and jake went to ny for a few days
• i tried to make peace with april. but also expressed my hopes that he does NOT rush into anything. 
• breakfast with mom and jake. dad came home for lunch. i ended up walking my old road, finding dead baby turtles and cutting up my feet from not wanting to wear shoes for 3 ish miles.. 
• girls night with stacy and kathy. watched one day. i'm not sure if i'm angry about that or not.. 
• i ordered a rain jacket. 
• re-planted one of the gardens
• started scraping the house
• contemplated signing up for the redhook race series... maybe not. 
• erik started cutting down dead parts of the apple tree
• we got new plants: i got purple sage, voodoo, tiny purple flowers and alyssum. erik got magnolia and hydrangeas. i planted my seeds which i'm obsessed with: lavender, cosmos, red velvet and blue bachelor buttons? 
• i called the pd to find out about carrying a taser. apparently as long as you can buy it without a permit, you can carry it however you want. excellent. that being said i almost tazed a dog for being mean. (old and mean. and semi chasing me.) 
• oh i had lunch and a bike ride with shannon. 
• and i started jillian michaels ripped in 30 again. let's see if i make it to week two this time.. 

not an ideal morning

i woke up this morning earlier than usual. i had set my alarm so i would force myself to get out of bed and exercise before work. i don't know if because of this i slept like crap or i would have slept like crap anyhow but just before waking up i was dreaming about doing paperwork at work and getting yelled at for doing it wrong. terrible dreams coupled with unusually hot bed coupled with giant lazy fat motivation means i actually got up and did the workout. i did try to weasel my way out of it half way and i probably didn't put in as much effort as i could but i did it. yay!

so of course this change in schedule and the fact that today is tuesday, not monday, always throws me for a little loop. but no biggie. somehow erik convinced me to make his lunch. i think i drank less coffee than i normally would. but overall, ok start. 

which brings us to 8:05. ready (ish). i was rushing around (per usual): got my breakfast, brushed my teeth, got some more coffee, and ran out the door. (8:12)  two minutes later than ideal time but still with a bit of time (approximately 3 minutes) to spare so i didn't have to worry.  except, my car wouldn't start. because of all the hoopla of the rain or no rain (and i was trying to get old mcdonald's french fry smell out of my car) i had turned my car on to roll up the windows - got distracted, probably by erik and somehow forgot to turn off the car. just the battery part. it would be pretty sad if i had left the whole thing running and didn't notice. so my battery was dead. so weird and awful. and of course i don't have jumper cables. thankfully erik's dad had some contraption to jump start it. but definitely not the ideal way to start the day. 

  needless to say i'm not looking forward to the rest of the day.

conan

he's funny. and new hampshire. but his message... so true.



But the point is this: it is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound reinvention

http://www.vox.com/a/greatest-graduation-speeches?utm_source=nextdraft&utm_medium=email

a weekend to remember

so apparently my brother being home means everything in life gets more eventful. maybe it's just spending more time than usual with my family.

friday i got out of work early. friday was fancy dinner night. the whole time jake is here we have a schedule of what is supposed to happen. for example, wednesday we went to red hook brewery. it was great. (a three person tour.) friday - fancy dinner. saturday- "shoot 'em up" party. sunday - mom, dad, jake leave for new york. wednesday - jake's supposed to have dinner with april. friday - jake leaves.

jake apparently screwed up the plan. his first royal screw up was that thursday was supposed to be dinner with april. i'm not 100% on what happened but i guess in his drunken stupor on wednesday he asked april if she'd like to come to dinner with the fam on friday. without mentioning this to anyone else. so when he ran it by the rest of the fam (i.e. me and mom) we shot it down.  so then he had to explain to april why she couldn't go and from what i gather his explanation had something to do with the fact that mom and i hate her. so when i walked into my parents house on friday and caught him in a fierce texting scenario drinking coors light - my immediate reaction was - we need to get you better beer.

i tried to help. honestly, though i don't care for her, i really don't know her well and was looking forward to attempting to be a better person and hanging out with her on saturday. but i could not tolerate her and my family squished in a car for our hour and a half ride to work. plus i felt like she would be competing for jake's attention and the whole night would be awkward. -- her side of it, from what jake told me, was that he apparently was taking his family's side over hers and it was frustrating to her that he didn't put her ahead of his family. typical girlness. whatever. this isn't even the good part of the night.

so dad was supposed to be home by 4:00; he was home by 5:30 ish. mom was supposed to be home by 5:30 at the latest; she was home a little after 6:00. our journey didn't even start until 7:00. i made it a whole 45 minutes before wanting death to befall myself on the ride. eventually i texted april and said my whole family is nuts. i'm sorry. i hope you can come tomorrow. (she apparently in her anger was not going to come to the shoot out party and wanted us all to have a sit down at a neutral location so we could talk it all out. AND she could only do this while 70% of the family was in new york.)

we got to the restaurant around 8:30. my bed time. by 10, it was clear that not only was i driving we weren't leaving any time soon. so i had coffee. by 12:30 we had more than officially closed down the ENTIRE restaurant. (i'm not even going to get into the absinthe drinking.) so we head on our merry way. me driving my mom's new car which is completely opposite of everything that i'm used to - 2 hours past my normal bedtime. in need of gas.

guess what? at 1:30 in the morning no gas stations are open. that's ok. besides negative nancy (dad) in the backseat, jake completely passed out (did i mention he had texted me at 6:30 in the morning to ask me my feelings about april? yes, he was up at 6:30. why? because he hadn't gone to bed yet.) and mom keeps insisting that her car can make it home on whatever amount of gas we have. so when i went to hit this button that would tell me how much farther we could make it- and the car went into "energy saving mode" and shut down... i pulled into the break down lane. attempted to restart the car. to no avail.

less than 5 minutes later there's a cop behind me. obviously after my explaining to him what happened - he asked if i'd be drinking. (because my cheeks were red. i was like dude. my cheeks are always red.) so it's 1:45 in the morning. i'm out of gas. nearest gas station is 8-10 miles away. my brother is sleep talking. my dad keeps telling me all the things we've done wrong and this is never going to work out. my mom is .. i don't know being my mom. there's a cop asking me if i can call anyone and both mom and i are like - CHAD. i think i attempted to call chad twice, charlie once, but like normal people they were sleeping. oh and i had next to no service. (i'm thinking why can't this cop just go get me a gallon of gas and we'll be on our way? -then again, i'm pretty sure he was probably the only cop on. you'll see why in a minute.) the cop calls chad. i have to explain to him that he's calling  a cellphone and therefore chad cannot hear him saying "chad. this is officer so and so. pick up the phone." about 10 or so minutes later chad calls me back. the moment he does- my phone starts beeping that my battery is dying. thankfully the cop is on the other line, tells chad where we are and chad saves me from my murderous rampage. actually. i wasn't really on murder yet although if i was - my dad would have been the first to go. i was contemplating how far i could run before my legs would give out. how long would it take me to walk to alton? probably forever. did i mention i was wearing 4" heels?

so that's the story of how chad saved my life.

did i mention the fact that the cop had to leave us because there was a horse in the highway that he had to go take care of? this is one of those "you know you live in new hampshire when" moments.

oh and how i waited all day the next day (80% sleeping) for erik to finish working on his jeep so we could go to the shoot out. only for him to have his worst day ever: jeep in pieces, parts don't fit, stung by a wasp, 2 hour job going on forever... so when he said he wasn't going. i broke down. i couldn't drive all the way there again by myself. i was an emotional wreck anyhow. he thought i should just stay home. which i did. after calling my brother and then my mom to explain that i couldn't make it. my mom texted me. april is here. crap. i forgot about her. hope she doesn't think i'm not there because i hate her. "please come." my loving husband at this point takes my phone away and calls my mom - tells her we won't be there. sometimes it takes me a really long time to see why he does the things he does. especially because i'm always the person who will do everything because that's what people ask me to do. and that's how marrying my husband was the best decision of my life. and how he saves me from myself all the time.

another great article

this struck me:

"Clothes are here to make us look beautiful, not the other way around. We're pretty resistant to trends."

how true it is that often we are trying to dress to stay in fashion. trying to attempt to make our bodies fit what society thinks we should look like or dress like rather than staying true to ourselves and dressing for our own bodies. i'm gonna make more of an effort to dress for me.

remind me i said that.

"And maybe that's the ultimate French beauty secret: We don't freak out too much about age. Wrinkles and little shadows under our eyes don't really count. Of course, if anything bothers us, we'll take care of it, but never within the fantasy of getting back to an age of innocence and naïveté—we just enjoy what we have without questioning it too much. As long as each day is lived to the fullest, we have nothing to regret—only to be thankful for the beautiful women we've become, inside and out."

http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/garance-dore-french-style

April 30, 2014

round one: so i left shannon at walmart (after driving all the way to newington and back) and got all the way to the rochester airport when my mom texted me (around 5:15) that i was supposed to pick up my dad at walmart at 5:15. i had already called him to find out if he was already at adam's. and called adam to tell him i was on my way and to get directions. then i tried my parent's house, my dad again... and then i gave up and 5 minutes later my mom texts me and tells me i'm supposed to be meeting up with my dad.and he lost his phone. so i turned around. - during this time i called my brother. i told him i had to complain about mom to someone who could understand my pain. i should mention, i never call my brother. so when he told me that he was at work and had to go i completely understood and that i had vented enough so i'd talk to him later.(i later found out that he was on a layover)  i decided once i finally made it to walmart i should check my oil (the whole time hoping a) i can find him and b) he doesn't leave.) i found him. he was like two rows away from where i had previously been. he later told me he saw me but didn't know if it was me or not and didn't want to beep like a crazy person if it wasn't me. plus he couldn't tell if it was really my car. so he just sat there. (the whole time i was driving there i kept thinking- well at least dad is used to mom so he's used to people being late. he wouldn't leave..) and almost left before i got there. anyhow, i checked the oil when i got there. -- 0 OIL. so we put in some more oil. and drove back to adam's talking about how jake was going to be picked up by mike, they'd probably spend a lot of time together, yadda yadda. 

round two: so we get there and i'm thinking oh man - krystal (adam's girlfriend) is pregnant. he proposed. she had her camera out and everything so i'm like this is gonna be big. he said "i do have an announcement, after you guys finish eating your driving down to boston to pick up jake!" honestly, my first thought was oh no. i don't want to drive all the way to boston tonight. ugh. with my parents. blah. yay jake but really? ick. then i thought, eh maybe it won't be that bad. - things you need to know about riding with my mom: she's a terrible driver, riding with her is like being on a roller coaster ride you desperately want to end. when she gets excited, she talks a lot. when she talks a lot, she repeats herself a lot. when she does this i get annoyed. when i get annoyed, i snap at her. when i snap at her she gets emotional. actually, she did ok with the emotional part but not ok with the not driving your daughter insane part. 

round three: we got to the airport and mom really had to pee. so i got in the driver seat and she got out to check to see where he was supposed to be coming from and pee. dad and i stayed in the car. no problems. finding people at the airport is super annoying. fyi. awful. texts/phone calls from jake. (during which i think the first conversation i had with him was - LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!) mom comes back. we drive a little. mom gets out again. she gets annoyed even though i'm on the phone with jake. she keeps talking over me. she gets out of the car. i force her to take her phone. she's off for a really long time. dad gets out of the car. a cop pulls up behind me. tells me that i have to move the car. i'm freaking out because two of the people who are supposed to be in the car are no where to be found and i still can't find my brother. i loop around. alone. in a car i've never driven before. i don't' know how to work anything. windshield wipers included. i finally find my brother on the loop back. dont' know how to open the trunk. can't find parents. continue driving. find parents. ugh random stranger. (that happened.) 

round four: we talk/read texts from dog on the way home. end up at adam's again for beers. adam and jake talk about weird military things -since adam is in fact leaving for a month. mom continues to annoy me and bring up things i don't want to talk about. asking me questions i've already given her the answers to. wanting to talk about why i hate jake's girlfriend. trying to force me to sleep over and go to work from her house wearing the "weird clothes" i got (yes, apparently jeans and a cardigan is strange to her). needless to say, i was thankful to be headed home at 11:30, tired and alone and not having anyone to talk to. this morning, however, has been rough.