achievements for 2009:
i ran both a 5k and a 10k. the 10k was without much training too due to me not knowing if i was going to do it and my meeting erik two weeks before the race.
i met erik, i fell in love and i'm getting married. that's an amazing accomplishment coming from someone who never thought that they would get married or would get married out of boredom or something...
i moved to texas. yea, this one kinda sucked but allowed me to figure out what i really wanted and what i liked and didn't like being on my own. it was a goal to get out of new hampshire and i achieved it and now i can move on.
i started two blogs (first one semi unsuccessful). gives me something to do and a way to keep track of my life and figure everything out in writing.
i drove cross country with my brother.
i survived being unemployed.
i quit a job i hated even though it's a recession.
i figured more out about who i am, what i want out of life and who i want to be there with me. it's funny moving, you figure out who you really want to spend your life with... and i definitely have some real friends.
i'm sure there's more but that's all i can think of right now.
things i didn't achieve would have been my resolutions for the previous year:
to floss more, to wear my seat belt all the time and to not drink as much... stupid resolutions. it's like once you say that it's your rez you're done for and that ONE thing you won't accomplish but everything else you didn't even think about when that ball dropped... done. wtf...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
day one of new shift
Today started much like any day...
Ok even that's a lie. Today started... Early. Erik and I went to bed at 830 last night so I got up this morning, got ready and left the house by ten after nine in order to pay my $214 ticket only to find out that even so, I'd still have two points on my license for being under 25.
Then Erik drove me to work after I vented to him all my mornings sorrows- early again.
Yes today was my first day of my new (was told I would never get) shift which is 30 minutes earlier. No biggie right? I should be able to stay at my same desk and everything? Wrong. I'm moving to the back of the mod and not only is my new manager all business but she's a clapper.
That's right. She cheers every time you do something well... Which I hate.
Ugh. And just when I thought I wouldn't be counting the moments til I left. Now I have to pretend to be happy here too.
Ok even that's a lie. Today started... Early. Erik and I went to bed at 830 last night so I got up this morning, got ready and left the house by ten after nine in order to pay my $214 ticket only to find out that even so, I'd still have two points on my license for being under 25.
Then Erik drove me to work after I vented to him all my mornings sorrows- early again.
Yes today was my first day of my new (was told I would never get) shift which is 30 minutes earlier. No biggie right? I should be able to stay at my same desk and everything? Wrong. I'm moving to the back of the mod and not only is my new manager all business but she's a clapper.
That's right. She cheers every time you do something well... Which I hate.
Ugh. And just when I thought I wouldn't be counting the moments til I left. Now I have to pretend to be happy here too.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
dec. 20
first of all, happy birthday amanda! 25 woot woot!!
now that being said, and since amanda is one of my two bride's maids, i have a LOT of wedding planning to do yet...
i made a list earlier today and i'm sure i'm forgetting a lot but here it goes:
holy moly. and erik thinks we have plenty of time...
now that being said, and since amanda is one of my two bride's maids, i have a LOT of wedding planning to do yet...
i made a list earlier today and i'm sure i'm forgetting a lot but here it goes:
· Plan our wedding
o Pick out bride’s maids dresses
o Figure out what Ashley is going to wear
o Figure out what we’re going to do about a caterer
o Save money
o Pay for the photographer
o Buy rings
o Buy invitations
o Figure out what invitations we like
o Buy a printer?
o Figure out how much the flowers are going to cost
o What to do about centerpieces?
o Chairs
o Tablecloths, candles, Christmas lights
o Pick out rings
o Address and send out invitations
o Figure out what we’re going to do about an officiate
o Finalize guest list
o Get addresses
o Find a dj
o Find out how much it’s going to cost and how long we’re going to have him
o Get dress altered
o Start getting fit again
o Find shoes for wedding
o
holy moly. and erik thinks we have plenty of time...
Saturday, December 12, 2009
sometimes...
sometimes i forget that erik knows his options. i forget that he chose me, out of everyone else in the world to spend the rest of his life with. i start thinking about how maybe he'd be happier some where else, or maybe he wonders if he made the right choice? how could he possibly want to be with me? someone who asks a million questions and worries and analyzes every situation to a fault... someone who is constantly thinking ahead rather than living in the moment...
i mean don't get me wrong, i am fabulous and wonderful and every man's dream wife to be (although most of that is often forgotten in my mind of chaos and worries..) sometimes, i look at myself and i worry that i'm not the person i was that he fell in love with or that he'll find something else that he likes more and i freak myself out because all i can think about is how lucky i am to have this amazing man in my life and how on earth could i ever live with out him now?
but he's pretty gosh darn lucky too.... and he chose me. :)
i mean don't get me wrong, i am fabulous and wonderful and every man's dream wife to be (although most of that is often forgotten in my mind of chaos and worries..) sometimes, i look at myself and i worry that i'm not the person i was that he fell in love with or that he'll find something else that he likes more and i freak myself out because all i can think about is how lucky i am to have this amazing man in my life and how on earth could i ever live with out him now?
but he's pretty gosh darn lucky too.... and he chose me. :)
Sunday, December 6, 2009
perfect sunday
i woke up this morning in our warm bed only to remember that -- i don't have to work today! after some amazing snuggling, i got into more appropriate pjs to head to the grocery store to get some coffee only to find out that it was absolutely beautiful outside!
rented a few movies, picked up a duralog for later to have a fire later and headed home.
erik and i drank coffee while watching movie 1 and farming.
afterwards, i read a little then decided to take a bath and scrub off all the dead gross winter skin. feeling refreshed, we decided to head out to the llano winery.
on the way... we checked out the scenery of dead cotton fields, oil rigs and windmills.
now it's only 4 pm and we still have movie2, a bottle of wine and a fire to look forward too. perfect.
o and we stole some cotton. whud up?
rented a few movies, picked up a duralog for later to have a fire later and headed home.
erik and i drank coffee while watching movie 1 and farming.
afterwards, i read a little then decided to take a bath and scrub off all the dead gross winter skin. feeling refreshed, we decided to head out to the llano winery.
on the way... we checked out the scenery of dead cotton fields, oil rigs and windmills.
now it's only 4 pm and we still have movie2, a bottle of wine and a fire to look forward too. perfect.
o and we stole some cotton. whud up?
Friday, December 4, 2009
6 am rant
so i don't know if it's because erik is sleeping diagonally across the entire bed or if the fact that i've slept at least 10 hours since rearriving in texas has anything to do with it but i woke up this morning at 5 am and i realized one thing...
we have to move back to new hampshire.
it makes so much more sense. i mean, we both had jobs we didn't mind there. our families are there. we have friends there that we've both discussed missing a bunch. we have (at least i have) a slew of furniture so we wouldn't have to worry about getting all new stuff right away. plus, that way we could plan our wedding and not have to worry about whether or not we'll have to buy plane tickets and how much that's going to go up and where we're going to stay. i'm sure we even have enough places to stay that we wouldn't even have to worry about getting a place right away... which is good because i spend most nights worrying about our finances and how we're going to be able to do everything we want to.
i moved here because i wanted a change. i was bored at the direction my life was going and i didn't think nh had anything to offer me. i thought by moving here it would be a jumping point to go where ever i want. i have no idea where i want to go.
erik and i were discussing this evening about my quarter life crisis. i feel like there are so many things i want to accomplish and no idea where to start. laying in bed this morning, all i could think about was how much happier i would be if i didn't have to worry about all this. if my degree didn't mean nothing. i was working a job i didn't mind and it had some potential... maybe, eventually but the fact of the matter is that i liked it. i liked working at the nhaa. it made me feel like i was doing something and i was helping an organization where my ideas mattered and what i did mattered. now i don't think i could go back to portsmouth, but why not conquer one state or one city at a time? why do i think i have to move and get out and do all this now?
i'm already drafting emails in my head to my old boss to see if there's a chance i could get my job back. i mean, yes i have to run this all by erik... and i probably won't post this until i do. but there's still so much i could accomplish and so much we could do by going back. and there's always the opportunity that one day, our jobs or passions will lead us some where else. when we were discussing moving, erik said that we should find some place to go and stick to it. we should figure out where we want to live and stay there. i have always thought it was your career that was supposed to lead you to different places. why not like what you do rather than just trudge through each day? it just seems like right now... it makes more sense to be back in nh.
it's like we've already been on our honeymoon here... a stressful honeymoon but it's just the two of us. we need to get back to real life. and at least by the time we get there, it'll almost be summer again...
we have to move back to new hampshire.
it makes so much more sense. i mean, we both had jobs we didn't mind there. our families are there. we have friends there that we've both discussed missing a bunch. we have (at least i have) a slew of furniture so we wouldn't have to worry about getting all new stuff right away. plus, that way we could plan our wedding and not have to worry about whether or not we'll have to buy plane tickets and how much that's going to go up and where we're going to stay. i'm sure we even have enough places to stay that we wouldn't even have to worry about getting a place right away... which is good because i spend most nights worrying about our finances and how we're going to be able to do everything we want to.
i moved here because i wanted a change. i was bored at the direction my life was going and i didn't think nh had anything to offer me. i thought by moving here it would be a jumping point to go where ever i want. i have no idea where i want to go.
erik and i were discussing this evening about my quarter life crisis. i feel like there are so many things i want to accomplish and no idea where to start. laying in bed this morning, all i could think about was how much happier i would be if i didn't have to worry about all this. if my degree didn't mean nothing. i was working a job i didn't mind and it had some potential... maybe, eventually but the fact of the matter is that i liked it. i liked working at the nhaa. it made me feel like i was doing something and i was helping an organization where my ideas mattered and what i did mattered. now i don't think i could go back to portsmouth, but why not conquer one state or one city at a time? why do i think i have to move and get out and do all this now?
i'm already drafting emails in my head to my old boss to see if there's a chance i could get my job back. i mean, yes i have to run this all by erik... and i probably won't post this until i do. but there's still so much i could accomplish and so much we could do by going back. and there's always the opportunity that one day, our jobs or passions will lead us some where else. when we were discussing moving, erik said that we should find some place to go and stick to it. we should figure out where we want to live and stay there. i have always thought it was your career that was supposed to lead you to different places. why not like what you do rather than just trudge through each day? it just seems like right now... it makes more sense to be back in nh.
it's like we've already been on our honeymoon here... a stressful honeymoon but it's just the two of us. we need to get back to real life. and at least by the time we get there, it'll almost be summer again...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
where to go? what to do?
we have approx. 87 days left here in lubbock. at least until the end of our lease.
i think by this point we've made it very clear that lubbock is not the place for us.
people here in texas are quite strange and not normal. or at least what i believe to be normal. there's something off about them. all they know how to do is drink and social interactions aside from that are hazy. i don't get their humor if they have any and i'm starting to understand why candace is a hermit. going out any where in this area is more of a hassle than a good time.
but where to go?
things i know for sure are that i want to be closer to people i understand, perhaps even people i know. i want to be close to the beach and have an affordable gym nearby (as fat as the people are here to join a gym it's like 80 a month with a 200 signing fee...). i want to be able to enjoy the weather, most of the year anyhow... i guess i could even say some snow isn't bad as long as it's not the majority of the year.
i know i'm going to need a good job.
i feel like i'm at a weird point in my life right now where i want things to start wrapping up. i want to be in a job where i like going to work every day and around people i enjoy being with... i haven't found that here.
i know that being with erik, i feel like everything is new and special and different. finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, i feel like i have different priorities now. i'll always want to do whatever makes myself happy but it's not all about me. i think maybe that's why making a decision on where we're going to go next is so hard.
i like the east coast and there are things that i miss about nh. mainly the people i know and love, but there are so many things that i don't miss enough to go back just yet... all though maybe i haven't given them the right chance? i mean, being with erik, everything's different so maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in the same state i grew up in? closer to my family and the people i've grown to love like family?
but what would i do there? work at a bank again? no thank you. i could go back to school i guess and maybe some place like manchester or concord would have more to offer than i've given it credit for in the past. i haven't really explored that world before... although it's still pretty far from the beach.
there would be pluses about moving some place warm on the east coast too. i mean, tickets aren't that expensive to fly from north carolina or south carolina back home. and it would give us the opportunity to make friends (hopefully) with people who just knew us together rather than separate. also, i feel like it's a new market for jobs and houses and people could visit us to get away... although the likelihood that people would visit is few and far in between-- i realize this from living here... it's kinda of nice being able to define us away from nh even if it's always in our minds.
but would we like it some where else? is it worth the risk of trying some place else and possibly hating it as much as we do here?
ugh, so many questions... i guess only time can answer. i'm terrified it's going to come down to the last moment and we're gonna be like so where are we going? and not have an answer.
i think by this point we've made it very clear that lubbock is not the place for us.
people here in texas are quite strange and not normal. or at least what i believe to be normal. there's something off about them. all they know how to do is drink and social interactions aside from that are hazy. i don't get their humor if they have any and i'm starting to understand why candace is a hermit. going out any where in this area is more of a hassle than a good time.
but where to go?
things i know for sure are that i want to be closer to people i understand, perhaps even people i know. i want to be close to the beach and have an affordable gym nearby (as fat as the people are here to join a gym it's like 80 a month with a 200 signing fee...). i want to be able to enjoy the weather, most of the year anyhow... i guess i could even say some snow isn't bad as long as it's not the majority of the year.
i know i'm going to need a good job.
i feel like i'm at a weird point in my life right now where i want things to start wrapping up. i want to be in a job where i like going to work every day and around people i enjoy being with... i haven't found that here.
i know that being with erik, i feel like everything is new and special and different. finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, i feel like i have different priorities now. i'll always want to do whatever makes myself happy but it's not all about me. i think maybe that's why making a decision on where we're going to go next is so hard.
i like the east coast and there are things that i miss about nh. mainly the people i know and love, but there are so many things that i don't miss enough to go back just yet... all though maybe i haven't given them the right chance? i mean, being with erik, everything's different so maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in the same state i grew up in? closer to my family and the people i've grown to love like family?
but what would i do there? work at a bank again? no thank you. i could go back to school i guess and maybe some place like manchester or concord would have more to offer than i've given it credit for in the past. i haven't really explored that world before... although it's still pretty far from the beach.
there would be pluses about moving some place warm on the east coast too. i mean, tickets aren't that expensive to fly from north carolina or south carolina back home. and it would give us the opportunity to make friends (hopefully) with people who just knew us together rather than separate. also, i feel like it's a new market for jobs and houses and people could visit us to get away... although the likelihood that people would visit is few and far in between-- i realize this from living here... it's kinda of nice being able to define us away from nh even if it's always in our minds.
but would we like it some where else? is it worth the risk of trying some place else and possibly hating it as much as we do here?
ugh, so many questions... i guess only time can answer. i'm terrified it's going to come down to the last moment and we're gonna be like so where are we going? and not have an answer.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
snow... yay!
there's snow in texas.
i thought i moved here to get away from snow and shoveling and cold weather.
i think it's stalking me.
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