my resignation letter

dear at&t,
i quit. muahahahahaha.
ok but really, as much as i enjoy working strange hours and dealing with people's incessant moaning and complaining about their service/phones/kids/husbands/data usage, i will be departing from this fine establishment of concrete.
no longer will i be bound by nagging managers, wow bucks and balloons. no longer will i be forced to attempt to respond to people while i'm on a call. no longer will i be forced to sell people things they do not really need.
thank you for allowing me hours of slacking off and doodling in training and allowing me to credit people who are just too annoying to get off the phone. thank you for good pay and good benefits, but that's just not enough for me. i'm sick of being just a number.
i'm moving on. february 25th will be my last day at this sea of wannabe cubicles. from that day on, i hope to never work at a call center again.
sincerely,
employee number 540066

dear lubbock,

i'll admit you have your good qualities: cheap rent, cheap beer, cheap food. and the birds are kinda cool. you keep everything you could ever need in one condensed knot which is kinda cool. and we've had our good times, though most of them i don't remember...
but, you're flat and dirty and you have more construction then you do main attractions. i have to be honest, we just don't see eye to eye. we never have. this is a dysfunctional relationship. i tried my best with you (well kinda) but it just isn't working.
it's not you, it's me. and i'm about to get my life back.
yours truly, or should i say mine?
<3
dear branchwater,
do you think there's a way we can get this cute two bedroom townhouse with free internet for $640 back in nh? i have no complaints here. just with your surroundings.
-apt 51

dear texas,
i know i give you a bad rep. it's probably just my own personal experiences here. i'm sorry to always be giving you a bad name, but seriously? we're not friends. we have nothing in common and i can't wait to never ever have to come here again.
i guess when i said i'll never live in texas -- i should've just stuck to my own words and not given you a chance, but here i am. i'll admit you have some interesting characteristics... but don't expect a postcard.
peace!

dear snow,
i moved here to get away from you. yes, you may be beautiful and fun when you first arrive but you're like that house guest who's only coming to visit for the night and 3 years later they're still leaving dishes in the sink.
i understand now that we are meant to be together, but maybe we can work on this relationship? how bout you only stay 3 months out of the year rather than 6? and next time i leave the north, you stay up there?
thanks.

dear parents,
thought you got rid of me, huh?
t - 17 days and counting... stock the fridge!
love.love.love.