leaving time

this is really weird.
as much as i've been looking forward to leaving lubbock, it just hit me... i'm leaving lubbock and i probably won't be coming back. ever. that means everyone that i've met here (aside from a select few), this is the last time i'll ever see them. all the acquaintances and people i've enjoyed conversations with-- that was it. my last chance to say what i wanted to say before i, literally, had to hurry up and get out so the door didn't hit me in the ass on the way out. stupid revolving doors.
when i was leaving new hampshire, it was a well known fact that it was only going to be a matter of time before i was back. whether it be for a visit or for good, my family is there... my lifetime friends are there. there's no way i could stay away.
leaving lubbock is such a different feeling. this is the last time i'm going to have someone awkwardly carry out my groceries for me. this is the last time i'm going to talk to people about their stupid phones (hopefully). it's truly like a chapter is closing and i feel like although some things will always irk me about my time here... i feel like i really had time to grow and figure out what i wanted, what i didn't want, what makes me happy and just today, i grew balls.

the story: although i'm pretty outspoken, i do not enjoy confrontation by any means. i like to procrastinate things i think are going to be hard to deal with. yesterday, there was supposed to be a celebration for our team because we got number one or whatever. not that i want to spend awkward time with my coworkers as previously mentioned but it was AN HOUR off the phones and it was something i was supposed to be part of. except my manager changed my schedule. so everyone else got to go but me. (she devil, anyone?) normally, i would have loathed more, kept it to myself.... not today. today i had a lovely discussion with her boss. and although i'm leaving and i'm sure he's not really going to do anything because he seems to deal with conflict as well as i used to but it feels good to have it off my chest. (ok, so my balls are tiny) and it feels even better to know that this new me is following me every where and i will never be miss stepped on again.

so although i do complain (A LOT), good has come out of lubbock. i'm a stronger better person, who has a better understanding of what i want/need to do with my life. i now know what i do not want to do with my life which is stepping me closer to what i do want which is still undecided. i met some great people who i'll carry with me. erik and i have definitely had a time and a half to bond (not to mention this trip ahead of us which will be bondtastic!) experiences, right? who'd a thunk it...